Talking dirty is a great way to ramp things up in the bedroom or start a little foreplay long before you’re ready to retire to the bedroom. Many people, however, find talking dirty downright awkward. They know what they want to say, but when it comes out of their mouth, it feels uncomfortable — and that uncomfortable feeling can quickly ruin the mood.
The good news is, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with talking dirty, so you’re certainly not the first to wonder where to start! The better news is, we’re here to help. With this simple guide, you can learn more about heating things up inside the bedroom — and on your way there.
Step One: Get Comfortable Talking About Sex
One of the biggest mistakes many people make in their relationships is that they simply aren’t comfortable talking about sex with their partners. Doing it isn’t necessarily a problem. Talking about it, however, brings on stammers and stutters.
Get comfortable talking about sex with your partner. Develop your own code, if you like, especially if you have children still in your home and you don’t want them to overhear (or understand what they’re overhearing). Ask your partner what they like and what they don’t like. Discuss new things the two of you might like to try, from adding a vibrator like Crescendo or Tenuto to your bedroom play to trying out a new personal lubricant. As you talk more about sex, you’ll find that it gets easier to talk dirty. Sure, those discussions may start out clinical, but there’s nothing clinical about the relationship between you and your partner, as you’ll quickly discover when you open the door to more of those intimate chats.
Step Two: Learn Your Partner’s Fantasies
Most people indulge in a fantasy every once in a while, especially when they masturbate. What is your partner daydreaming about — and how can your dirty talk play into that? You may find that your partner has a few specific things that he’d love to hear you say, or that she would get incredibly turned on hearing you talk through a specific scenario. Learning what your partner wants is a great place to get started, and can increase your confidence so that the next time you’re ready to talk dirty, you’re more comfortable with it.
Step Three: Start with the Simple
When you head into the bedroom with your partner, especially when you’re just getting ramped up, keep it simple: talk about what you want. What is it that you genuinely can’t wait for your partner to do to you in that moment? The imagination can be a powerful tool in the bedroom, especially for women, who often struggle to get in the mood when their heads aren’t in the right place. As arousal increases, you may start imagining exactly what you want your partner to do next.
You can’t wait for him to go down on you. You’d love to feel her tongue slipping across your head. His hands would feel amazing on your breasts. Are you hoping to try out something new during this particular session — or perhaps during the immediate future? Tell your partner exactly what you’re daydreaming about. Be as explicit as you like. After all, this is the person you want to share those passionate moments with! If you want, for example, to introduce Crescendo into your play, talk about how you’d love to have a specific area stimulated while your partner performs another action — or how you’d love to use it to stimulate your partner while they do something else entirely to you.
Once you’ve moved past foreplay, you can still tell your partner what you want to do next or what you’re waiting for. How are you imagining reaching orgasm? Where would you like to be? What would you like to be doing? Where do you want your partner? Use the language that makes you most comfortable.
Step Four: Describe Your Pleasure
“I love it when you [X].”
“You make me feel amazing.”
“I can’t wait for you to cum for me.”
As the pleasure ramps up in the bedroom, words often fall away. You’ll find, however, that adding a little dirty talk to your bedroom play can increase your excitement level as well as increasing your communication with your partner, which can ultimately increase your pleasure. Tell your partner how you’re feeling. Describe not just what you want them to do next, but also exactly what they’re getting right and how much you love it. Feel free to describe the sensation of him inside you or her wrapped around you. Let your partner get an up close and personal explanation of exactly how you’re feeling, and watch how it increases the pleasure for both of you.
Giving feedback to your partner during sex is another aspect of dirty talk that can ultimately pay off for both of you. Sometimes, your silence is a sign that you’re genuinely enjoying something, your stillness an indication that your partner has hit just the right spot and you don’t want it to end. Your partner, however, may worry that they’re getting it wrong — and as a result, it may end the foreplay for the time being. Instead, talk about it. Tell your partner what they’re getting right. They’ll love the feedback, and you’ll love that they stay with that perfect strategy for just a little longer.
Step Five: Tell Your Partner What You Like About Him/Her
One of the sexiest things you can do in the bedroom is describing what you like best about your partner. Try, for example, some of these strategies.
“I love the way you make me feel so [X].” Do you feel tiny wrapped up in his arms? Does her small stature make you feel like you’re handling something priceless? Describe the way your partner makes you feel and how much you love it.
“I love your [insert favorite body part here].” You’re in the bedroom, so your focus may be on the traditional erotic areas: breasts, butt, genitals. Sometimes, however, those aren’t the things that are the biggest turn-on. Do you, for example, love the way his big, strong hands feel as they run all over your body? Love the feeling of her smaller hands sliding around you for the first time? What about her lips, or his sexy little smile just before he enters you for the first time? Tell your partner what it is that’s turning you on: that special something that sends a little extra thrill running through your blood and adds just a little extra heat to the bedroom.
“I love how you [your favorite thing here].” Sometimes, it’s the little things in the bedroom that you enjoy the most — some of them things that your partner may not even realize they’re doing.
Step Six: Learn to Talk Dirty Outside the Bedroom
Once you get past that initial shyness, it may be easier to talk dirty in the bedroom than it is to let that kind of talk see the light of day. Dirty talk, however, can be an incredible kind of foreplay- — one that you can engage in no matter where your partner is or how far away you might be from one another. In fact, dirty talk is a great way to let your partner know that you might be interested in a little something extra in the evening, or that there’s something in particular that you’re looking forward to.
Whisper in your partner’s ear. This is a great strategy when you’re together, but in public. Slip up beside your partner, lean in close, and keep your voice low. Tell him how great he looks in that tux or how well his running pants highlight his assets. Tell her she’s looking particularly gorgeous, or that the way she’s biting her lower lip is turning you on a little more every moment. Then, move on with your normal activities as though nothing has changed — and watch the tension start to increase.
Send in an explicit, dirty text early in the day. Let your partner know exactly what you’re imagining for later in the afternoon. Then, when your partner gets home, put your words into action and make that fantasy come to life! Sending that dirty talk via text message is also a great way to start building your confidence and getting more comfortable with dirty talk in general.
Cuddle up at the end of the night, rest your hand on your partner’s inner thigh, and murmur what you’d like to do to them. If you’re alone, this is a great way to move things straight to the bedroom. If you’re not, it can help increase anticipation or speed things along so that you can end the evening sooner — or at least get your own private party started.
Are you ready to introduce a little more fun into the bedroom? Have you discovered that your partner can’t wait to add a vibrator to your bedroom play? Contact us today to learn more about how the MysteryVibe products can help expand your sexual repertoire, increase your pleasure, and bring you and your partner closer than ever.